What Do I Know of Holy?

My knees have hit the floor once more as the tears of my mistakes are poured out from my eyes. My heart cries, “Here I am Lord, the worst of all sinners. I have broken relationships, neglected your word, and given my love for you back to the world.” The prayers have begun to fall out of my lips as I mumble through how unspeakably sorry I am for not living up to the standards laid out in His beautiful word. I’m reminded of how little I know of what it means to be truly Holy, and how absolutely lost I am, that I’m only capable of laying in a hospital bed, every bone in my body broken, with the capability to only press the call button for Jesus to come tender to my broken, aching soul.

I’ve had several friends ask me why I’m a Christian, and after much reflection I think I’ve given inaccurate answers. The reason doesn’t start with a cookie cutter family, it doesn’t start with roses, and a little house on the prairie, the real reason I’m a Christian is because I found myself on the floor in a mess of pills pleading for my life after thinking it wasn’t worth living, finding a bible not to far from where I laid. It’s because through nights of yelling and fighting through my teens the only source of comfort was the name of Jesus Christ. The reason I’m a Christian is because I’ve watched the lives of my friends transform at Christ’s name. The reason is because Christ found me one lonely night when I was young, and he took me into his arms, held my soul close, and said he would never let go. To this day, I know this is true.

Though my tears hit the floor in front of me, as I realize what I have done; though I continue to fail with every opportunity to succeed; I’m given grace and mercy that I don’t deserve. I’m lavished with love and blessings that I can’t even fathom, and I’m brought to silence as I remember that I’m created in the image of an ever loving God, who gave up his son, so that I may someday believe in him, and have ever lasting life with my creator.

That is why I’m a Christian.

That is what I know of Holy.

Christ did everything that needed to be done, he is forever worthy of my praise. He is the only person ever capable of bringing me happiness. I live my life for him. I breathe because of him. I lay my life down for him. I will one day be with him.

Romans 11:33-36

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”
For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.